November Book Club Pick: The Art of Gathering

There were so many nuggets of wisdom in The Art of Gathering, and we couldn’t possibly include everything we learned and loved in this blog post. Here are some of our favorite elements of Parker’s larger framework for creating and hosting transformative gatherings.

1. Pick a purpose.

Your gathering should have a reason for existing, and Parker insists it be specific, unique, and disputable. To help you narrow it down, Parker recommends moving from the “what” to the “why.”

She uses the example of a company offsite—instead of saying the purpose of the offsite is to “get out of the office together” or even to “focus on the year ahead,” Parker recommends getting as particular as possible. In this case: “To build and practice a culture of candor with one another.” See how this hyper-specific purpose will inform everything from who’s invited to where the gathering will be held?

2. Close doors.

Not everyone needs to be present at every gathering—the old adage of “the more, the merrier” may not apply to your party. This isn’t a call to be exclusionary just for the sake of it, rather, “thoughtful, considered exclusion is vital to any gathering, because over-inclusion is a symptom of deeper problems—above all, a confusion about why you are gathering and a lack of commitment to your purpose and your guests.”

3. Vet your venue.

The venue will inform the vibe. Venues like boardrooms and courtrooms will cue formal, professional behavior. Contrast that with venues like outdoor parks, the beach, or a bar, where your guests might feel more inclined to kick back, relax, and be their more authentic selves. If a total venue overhaul isn’t an option, simple fixes like reconfiguring tables and chairs or creating an intentional seating chart will help you curate your desired vibe.

4. Create an alternate world.

Whether you realize it or not, every (good) gathering is an alternate world. One effective way to make your gathering feel like a welcome departure from everyday life is to impose good-natured rules for the duration of the event.

Two examples from the book include asking guests at a professional conference to not talk about their careers until the second half of the day, and hosting an unplugged wedding where nobody uses their cell phones for the evening.

It’s important to note that rules are different from etiquette, which can be exclusionary and stiff. Rather, rules put everyone on a level playing field, and can bridge differences across cultures and norms to create a unique set of conditions that only exist for the duration of your event.

5. Accept that there is an ending.

Sadly, every gathering must come to an end. Being intentional about how you close your event will ensure that it lingers in your guests’ minds for months or years to come. In the same way that bars have last calls, come up with our own way to prepare your guests for the end of the gathering—a few options Parker mentions in the book are offering a moment for reflection or one last opportunity to connect.

One example from my own life: at my sister’s wedding a few weeks ago, the DJ put on Daft Punk’s “One More Time” as the last song of the night. Everyone came out to the dance floor knowing it was almost time to leave, and the energy that filled the room was palpable.

A different, less-skilled DJ may have interpreted this surge in energy as a cue to play one or two more encore songs to keep the party going just a bit longer, but there was something powerful and memorable about ending on a high note like this—I know I’ll never forget it.  

Let us know if you enjoy this read & host any gatherings of your own this season.