How to love when you feel unloveable

Jenipher Lyn was struggling with anxiety and depression in her 20s when a friend recommended drawing a doodle a day as a form of therapy. She had no idea how to draw and was hesitant to start. But once she did, the practice was life-changing. In honor of Valentine’s Day, Jenipher shares her tips and tricks with us—a little gift to remind us that on a day dedicated to love, we should start with ourselves.

“I DREW THINGS I NEEDED TO HEAR, LIKE ‘TODAY IS GOING TO BE AWESOME’ OR ‘LET THINGS GO’ OR ‘BE STILL.’ WHATEVER I REALLY NEEDED IN THAT MOMENT.” -JENIPHER LYN

I don’t know when it started, but as long as I can remember, I felt unlovable.

I felt like I was often told that I was “A LOT.”

I was the difficult child.

The picky kid.

The messy girl.

I wasn’t smart.

I had BIG emotions.

And I was incredibly sensitive.

And to top it off, I had more fears than Scooby Doo!

“You are difficult and hard to love!!!” I would say to myself constantly.

I would repeat this phrase to help myself understand why I couldn’t make friends, or find a boyfriend who liked me for the annoying, emotional person I was. Or to answer why my business wasn’t growing, because clearly that had to do with my personality.

I brought this phrase, this negative sentence, with me well into my 20’s. And I ended up sabotaging a lot of situations because I felt like a burden.

So how does one learn to love when they feel unloveable? How do you learn to open your heart to love others when you don’t love yourself?

Things started to change once I realized that EVERYONE has things they feel hold them back.

Instead of saying “I’m hard to love because I’m so emotional” I started saying “being emotional is what makes me empathetic to others.” It’s LITERALLY a super power that allows me to love OTHERS well!

How do you turn that unloveable feeling into a super power?

STEP 1. FEEL YOUR FEELINGS

It’s MORE than okay to feel things. Eventually what made me feel unloveable is what powered me to start encouraging others to FEEL more lovable. My whole business is all about reminding people that it’s OKAY to feel feelings. That it’s okay to feel sad. Or mad. Or joyful. Feelings are a blessing, and it’s good that you are feeling them!!

STEP 2. FIND ONE OR TWO PEOPLE WHO YOU CAN OPEN UP TO

Especially when you’re having a hard day. This is so beneficial! It can be a family member, someone you’ve only known for a little while, or even your cat!

STEP 3. CHANGE YOUR SITUATION (OR AT LEAST TRY TO)

On particularly bad days, changing your atmosphere helps so much. Going for a walk when you’re feeling really low can honestly help clear your head so much. Put on music that makes you happy, or listen to an empowering podcast while you’re walking.

I want to end off by saying… YOU ARE LOVABLE. You are unique. You are 100% YOU, and the world can use your uniqueness. Now, it’s time for you to unleash your super power!

Jenipher’s nightly doodles took off and were released in the form of her best-selling book, Find Your Rainbow: Color and Create Your Way to a Calm and Happy Life. Check it out!