Your Back-To-College Cheat Sheet 

Cherish the Cafeteria Staff

We subscribe to the belief that college cafeteria workers deserve their own bronze statues in the quad. 

This idea may not be en vogue at the moment, but there will come a time years from now when you find yourself repeatedly opening the fridge in hopes something of substance will magically appear. Visions of piping hot breakfast sausages and dinner rolls will then flood your mind, and the only thing that will fill you up is a newfound gratitude for those who served.  

GRAD TIP: Small gifts to your closest cafeteria workers before holidays and vacations correlates to a 20-30% increase in serving size. 

The Art of Laundry

This one may seem trivial, but for most new college students, the act of washing and drying is  the only course without a syllabus. 

How often does one do laundry? How much detergent is needed? How does one even go about getting quarters nowadays? What gets dried? What gets hung? Are wrinkles a necessary evil? 

GRAD TIP: Check your pockets. Hoard your quarters. Invest in a steamer. When in doubt, hang it. Dryer balls over dryer sheets. Be kind, empty the lint trap. But seriously, check your pockets.

Choose Change

“What are you studying?” is a question most college students have field immediately after signing their acceptance letter. While the question is good-natured, it validates the premise that college is about Finding A Path And Sticking To It. Early. 

But as Baz Luhrmann vocalized the 1997 commencement speech, Wear Sunscreen: “The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.”

Openness, adaptability, and diversity of experience are often how to fully juice the lemon of higher education and find the perfect intersection of your passions and talents.  

So the next time someone asks ‘what are you studying?’ feel confident in your response: “Everything.” 

GRAD TIP: All growth starts at the end of your comfort zone. Enroll in one class per semester that scares you, and even if it doesn’t turn out to be your calling, you can always tell your future children that you once dabbled in Modern Dance. 

The future is bright. Go get ‘em, grad.